Cut & Run Film Reviews

*This post contains spoilers*

People love cults. There’s something about them that draws a morbid kind of fascination. They’re mysterious, creepy, and don’t follow the typical rules of society, making them a common theme in horror movies. From the outside, it’s easy to see why cults are so dangerous. They thrive on control, fear, and manipulation to keep members committed to the mission, whatever it may be, at all costs. Most cult-centered horror movies are told from the outsider’s perspective. Someone who isn’t a part of the community and is unfamiliar with their specific practices and beliefs encounters the cult and because they’re not fully immersed, they can see all of the red flags. But here’s the thing, there have to be at least some positive aspects of a cult that make people want to join in the first place. What if instead of watching cult-themed horror movies from the perspective of an outsider, we watched them from the perspective of an active cult member? I was curious to see if there were some qualities of the cults portrayed in these movies that seemed kind of fun. I watched a bunch of horror and horror-adjacent movies about cults and compared the key features of each one to see which ones seemed like they would be the most fun to join. My ranking system is based on entirely subjective and totally arbitrary metrics that I made up on the spot. Please keep in mind that this post ruins the plot twists of like, so many movies, so proceed at your own risk.

15. Knock at the Cabin (2023)

I know I just said that all cults need to have some positive aspects to make people want to join in the first place. Forget I said that. There’s a reason why this cult is at the very bottom of the list. It’s a doomsday cult with no positive aspects and nobody wanted to join it. Not even the unofficial cult leader wants to be there. Imagine living your normal little life where everything is cool and then one day you start having visions of the world ending. They become all consuming and you’re desperate to make them stop. The next thing you know, you and Dave Bautista are holding a family hostage in their vacation rental trying to prevent the apocalypse. I do not want this. Nobody wants this.

14. The Void (2016)

Okay, straight away, I take issue with the outfits. They all look like evil beekeepers and I just know I would get so sweaty wearing that all the time. The also synchronize all of their movements which is definitely very spooky, but probably takes a level of practice that I am not willing to commit to. Then there’s the whole thing with the super disgusting and horrible eldritch alien monsters, but if I’m being honest, I don’t actually get how they tie in with the cult members. This movie did not make sense to me.

13. The Invitation (2015)

This cult’s whole thing is aggressive toxic positivity, getting way too personal way too quickly, trauma dumping all over people who did not ask, and only wearing neutral tones. This is hell. This is actually my personal hell. I want nothing to do with this.

12. The Sacrament (2013)

Initially, I do actually see the appeal of this cult. On paper, Eden Parish seems pretty cool. They’re a self-sustaining sober-living community where they grow all their own food and seem to take care of each other. They claim to have pretty progressive values and they throw fun parties. Unfortunately, it became a lot less interesting to me after seeing that the community is surrounded by guards with machine guns (not very chill), there are speakers throughout the property so the cult leader can shout churchy things at everyone all the time (no thank you), there’s a curfew that is strictly enforced (you can’t tell me what to do), and everyone calls the cult leader Father (absolutely not). Even without the Jonestown-esque ending of the movie, I can confidently say that I would not enjoy this place.

11. Apostle (2018)

This seemed like your standard, run-of-the-mill religious cult. It’s on a really beautiful and remote island which is cool, but all the plants are dying, which is not cool. They all worship an ancient, badass sea goddess but the actual leader of the cult is some preacher man who holds her hostage and force feeds her blood to make the crops grow somehow? Also, if you fail a scripture pop quiz, you die, and I really do not do well with being tested on the spot.

10. The Ritual (2017)

This movie doesn’t actually spend much time delving into the activities of the cult itself, so I don’t really feel like I can make a conclusive decision about this one. The cult worships a gigantic forest demi-god, which I am totally here for. They provide human sacrifices to this creature in exchange for immortality, but I think that’s pretty much all you learn about them. I’ve never really found the idea of immortality to be all that appealing, so I’m not sure this would feel worth it to me. But all in all, this seems like a pretty decent cult.

9. Mandy (2018)

Everyone just kind of lays around, gets high, and listens to folk records. It seems generally pretty chill and could be a lot worse as far as cults go. Unfortunately, the cult leader is a narcissistic loser who writes music about how great he is and makes everyone in the cult listen to it. If I had to deal with that every day, I would probably be high all the time too.

8. House of the Devil (2009)

The specifics of this cult remain pretty vague throughout the movie, making it difficult to determine how fun it would be. From what I can gather, the primary activities this cult engages in are performing satanic blood sacrifices and being really tall. Seems kind of boring, honestly. If I’m going to join a cult, I at least want there to be some excitement.

7. Sound of My Voice (2011)

This cult’s leader is a woman (#girlboss), which already makes it more interesting than most of the cults out there. You might not think that a 24-year-old would make an ideal cult leader, but Maggie’s relational aggression is unmatched and it’s absolutely terrifying. There’s no need for violence when she can just single you out and undermine your entire self-concept to keep you in check. The cult isn’t very restrictive though, which is nice. You don’t need to move or donate all of your possessions to the cult. You still get to live your normal life, you just have to go hang out with the cult in Maggie’s basement in the evenings. It’s less of a cult and more of a small group, really. Been there, done that.

6. The Babysitter (2017)

Aside from the fact that I, a 31-year-old woman, would have absolutely no business running around with a group of kids in high school, this cult doesn’t seem that bad. They commit the occasional human sacrifice, but they mostly just play party games and do teen stuff. I definitely don’t love the idea of needing to murder minors to make a deal with the devil so he’ll give me a good job or increase my self-confidence or whatever. I would rather just take a toastmasters class or something.

5. Midsommar (2019)

The scenery is breathtaking, they value artistic expression, and I’m pretty into the whole simple living aesthetic they have going on. I do still have some reservations though. You literally never have a moment to yourself because everyone does everything together and that just sounds exhausting. Their understanding of consent seems iffy at best and I am really, really not here for their whole eugenics-y “preserving the bloodline” vibe. They seem pretty into hallucinogens, which could kind of go either way, but the way they use them doesn’t look very fun. Also, when you turn 72 you have to jump off a cliff and die. I originally considered that to be a drawback of the cult but honestly, each time I check the news these days, I become a little more convinced that it might not be such a bad thing.  

4. Hot Fuzz (2007)

The Neighborhood Watch Alliance isn’t all that bad for a cult. Their existence might not be fun for everyone else, but the actual cult members are just a bunch of small-town folks who care about their community and take pride in where they live. Their ideals are definitely problematic, but they’re effectively just an overly zealous homeowners association. Their community is charming and they want to keep it that way. I guess I can understand that.

3. The Wicker Man (1973)

The scenery around their community is beautiful and I’m beginning to learn that this is a major selling point for me, cult-wise. The community as a whole is a little witchy and into folk magic which is great. They have a healthy love and respect for nature and they value preserving their old ways of life but they still have modern amenities. Everyone is super festive and likes to have a good time. There’s just a fun vibe everywhere you go and pretty much all of their songs are bangers. The primary drawback for me is that it seems like a pretty man-centric cult. There’s a lot of unnecessary sexualization of women and they have a pretty old-fashioned approach to gender roles. The movie itself was made in the 70’s so it’s possible that this is more indicative of the timeframe and less about the cult itself, but I’m still not here for it. Also the food shortages on the island would be an issue for me. If I’m going to the trouble of joining a cult, I want there to be good food.

2. The Endless (2017)

I’m honestly pretty on board with this cult. They grow their own food, make their own beer, and encourage people to develop creative talents. Everyone looks young and healthy and it seems like they all get along for the most part. Sure, the whole thing kind of has adult summer camp energy and there’s the issue of being trapped in an infinite timeloop for all of eternity, but I guess there are worse ways to spend forever than making art and hanging out around a camp fire drinking beer with your friends every night. 

1. The Wicker Man (2006)

This movie is objectively terrible, but I am being completely serious when I say that this cult is my ideal living scenario. It’s a matriarchal society located on a beautiful, secluded island off the coast of Washington state. They keep bees and their entire economy is built around making honey and mead. They don’t respect the authority of the law and refuse to give men the time of day. Men are barely around at all! I could have all this and more in exchange for the occasional human sacrifice? Perfect. No notes. Sign me up immediately.